To Mr. Better As A Friend:

Dear Pants Guy,
I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm always apologizing. Always. I'm sorry that we can't get together tonight. I'm sorry that I didn't have time to call. I'm sorry that we haven't been able to see each other at all. I'm sorry that my sarcasm made you feel like shit. I'm sorry that I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry that it's not going to work. There are times when I do owe you an apology, in fact, I'm not sure that any of this was your fault. But blame is overrated.
I just still can't believe you thought it was out of the blue- what kind of a real relationship do you have when you don't need to talk to that person for weeks, or when you don't even tell them what's going on in your life?
I know that everyone always says it- it's the oldest cliché in the world: "It's not you, it's me." I wish that you knew how true it was when it comes to me; I'm a little bit relationship retarded and a lot commitment-phobic. I get scared, I back out. I guess eventually there will be that guy who doesn't let that happen- that moment when it all works, when I finally work right.
You are an amazing person- I absolutely never meant to make you doubt that. You're attractive, have a great sense of humor, you're smart, creative, loyal, your friends mean everything to you- you know what you believe in, and you stand up for it. I respect you more than you will ever know. We were friends first- and remember that, please.
I'm not sure exactly why I don't feel more for you. There isn't a direct answer for that; we get along great, and I feel comfortable with you. I guess there is just that extra something missing; our chemistry doesn't mix- we've changed a lot from when we first knew each other. I need to want make time for you, even if I had to create another day of the week.
Maybe I'm unrealistic... I'm sure my ideas of what love is supposed to be like get in the way of reality- get in between us. I guess I've got to learn to see past it. I couldn't do that this time.
The one thing that really gets me is that I probably won't talk to you again. Not really talk to you. Everyone always says "I hope we can still be friends" and there are some people who can actually do that. First of all, I think both parties have to be willing to do so. Maybe I hurt you too badly for this to be possible. When I asked you if we would ever talk again, you hesitated. I was a little reluctant to let it go, but now I realize something. Clearly, if we didn't even talk while we were dating- why the hell would we talk when we weren't? I don't expect you to call me everyday, or even regularly. I guess I just don't want us to turn into the two people who bump into each other through mutual friends or in town, and have an awkward two-minute conversation in which we don't even say anything real. It's the real that I don't want to lose. My mother would tell me at this point, "You can't have your cake and eat it too." She's right of course; I said goodbye to the real when I said goodbye to you. I'll miss that. I think I'll miss you too.
I know it hurts, and for that: I truly am sorry.

Peace, Love, and All that Other Jazz- Sign Me,
Wrong Again and sounding the Retreat.