To Mr. Ever After:

Dear Pants Guy,
You don't exist.

Lately, I've been talking about literature- fiction to be more specific. The stories of love, adventure, and heroism that swirl around my head and sweep me into a fog of daydreams.

I want to believe that someday I'll get swept into an adventure with you, and end up falling in love while we save the world. I want to believe that there is magic in life. I want to believe in you.
But how can you possibly exist? There is no magic, there is no plotline.
Everyone of my decisions, no matter how small, changes my story- it's not written, but fleeting, uncatchable. I know that reason and logic crush the bounds of imagination as reality. The dreams that people put on paper are just that: dreams.

But, still. There's something to the idea that one day, just as in every story, there is a point where the hero or heroine is faced with the decision to leave everything behind, all that they've ever known, and make that journey into the unknown. It's this thought, this daydream that gets me through somedays. I think of you, and imagine what impossible happenings and adventures we would share. You wouldn't be perfect, no true Hero is, but we would grow during our journey- through all of the obstacles, while fighting for our very lives, we would begin to understand eachother. A profound change would occur, and we would realize that we'd finally found what we were looking for.
I think I even know you- you're stubborn tenacity, quick grin, and quick temper for the wrongs in your world. Of course, there's that something about you: that one factor that gleams in every Hero- that part of you that pushes on, and accomplishes the impossible when everyone wrote you off. There's that deep goodness inside of you that everyone recognizes- they know you will always end up fighting for good. Despite all of your hard exterior, there's a part of you that needs love, that does believe in the strength of it. Together, we'll find it.

Who wouldn't want to believe in it? Hasn't society always had this ideal- this image of you? Our "knights in shining armor" our Robin Hoods and Supermans, our unlikely heroes and dashing prince charmings. Sure, I could admit to myself that maybe you don't actually exist beyond the realms of my imagination, but isn't that the only thing we need? It's always trust, beliefs, and a bit of luck that see us to the end of the stories.

I so want to melt into one of these stories- to find you, to fight for you and with you. There are some days when my normal life gets so heavy- so thick that it feels like I can't get out of my car. And so I sit, in the parking lot- in the rain, and close my eyes- wishing hard that somehow--somehow, I will get out of the car and into your story. Our story.

My mother always says, that when the time is right, I'll find someone that fits. To steal a line from Queen, I'll find 'Somebody to love'. I think right now, I just don't want to- I'm still holding out for you, at least a little while longer. Still waiting to fall into our story.
I would leave it all behind for you.


Peace, Love, and All That Other Jazz-- Sign me,
Flipping the pages that fill my head.